Am I a Freak?

*Goes to any family gathering*

Family Friend/Member: ‘So have you found yourself a boyfriend yet?’

Me: *shrugs and laughs it off* ‘Oh no, not yet’

A big insecurity of mine has always been relationships. And this post is quite difficult for me to write and share on the internet for all to see, but I came across this draft from a while ago and thought maybe, just maybe, it’s not just me feeling this way.

I think a lot of kids – teenagers – go through the ‘boyfriend’ phase – you know the one where you don’t actually talk to each other, but you got your friend to ask them if they want to ‘go out’/’go steady’ with you and then you add their name with a heart on your MSN tag line and it’s official! 

We all I think – or at least our peers at school – go through it. And it’s around about year 7 which is also the step up to a new school – and I think it somehow got drawn into me that this was a measure of worth, of being desired, of being cool!

As the title suggests, this never happened to me. And it’s not a huge issue – I haven’t been totally consumed by this idea, because I’ve always been quite a smart and logical person, so I know now and I knew back then – that seeing this a measure of worth is total bollocks! 

And I can go into my sassy, girl-power mode and say ‘You don’t need a man to make you happy’, ‘having a boyfriend doesn’t impact your self-worth’ and yes I truly believe that and that’s why this isn’t a massive issue and I can live a long and happy life, succeeding as I have and will do in the future. 

And yet, it’s been an insecurity of mine ever since then, and I won’t deny that’s it’s knocked my confidence slightly in the past and no doubt will do in the future. And although I only really get down about it when I’m already in a bad mood or upset about something (and tend to fall into that lovely spiral we all love so much!) it keeps coming back to me. The idea that there’s something wrong with me? Why am I 21 and never had a boyfriend? Does it make me weird/odd that I’m in my twenties and I’ve never had sex? 

Which spirals into a field of ongoing questions that my over-thinking, scientific brain likes to analyse like;

Am I disgusting? Am I ugly? Is there something wrong with my body?

Or worse; Is it me? Am I just unlovable? Am I the ‘nice’ person who no-one ever really has as their first choice? Am I too boring or uncool?

And luckily I’m in a good place right now that I can write this logically and know that everything’s fine. I’m content with the faith that really, the person that’s right for me is out there and to quote Mr Bublé, I just haven’t met him yet. And at 21, I’ve got my whole life to go out and meet different people, all of them right for that time in my life. It’s easy to get caught up in the superficial things like sex or the relationship label, but at the end of the day I’m the soppy one who just wants love and I can wait a lifetime for that!

I’d like to point out that this doesn’t rule my life – I just realised that it was a recurring thought over the years and wondered whether anyone else had ever felt that sense of doubt?

Also a little reminder, that you’re the main person who deserves your undivided attention and love and you’re totally amazing no matter your relationship status!


  1. Fashion Matters
    April 26, 2017 / 8:58 am

    Lovely outfit! The Fashion Matters- Travel & Fashion Blog

    • Josie Brownlee
      April 26, 2017 / 9:06 am

      Thanks very much! This dress is so comfortable – Missguided I think!

  2. sopharsogood
    April 26, 2017 / 11:07 am

    What a brave post to write! Of COURSE you're not boring/unlovable/disgusting – you're gorgeous and perfectly you. As you say, you just haven't met someone yet and that's no big deal. When it happens it happens 🙂 I know exactly what you mean about having a boyfriend as a measure of being cool or desired in your teen years, because I was totally sucked into it, desperate to find a boyfriend so I could prove my 'worth'. Utter rubbish and do you know what, when I did find one, I was more bothered about being with someone than I was about the person so it was rubbish anyway!Sophie xxx | Sophar So Good

    • Josie Brownlee
      April 27, 2017 / 7:33 am

      Thank You so much for this comment Sophie! Exactly, you're totally right – it got to the point where I was thinking more about the 'having a boyfriend' than the guy himself! Total rubbish!

  3. Monica sors
    April 26, 2017 / 6:27 pm

    So lovely!!!! Love the entire lookxxMónica SorsMES VOYAGES À PARISNEW POST: LA CLAVE PARA TENER LA PIEL HIDRATADA

    • Josie Brownlee
      April 27, 2017 / 7:34 am

      Thanks so much Mónica!

  4. Steph Spying
    April 27, 2017 / 1:33 pm

    Thanks for opening up, Josie!None of this makes you anything but normal. There are thousands of girls who are in their 20s that haven't had sex or had boyfriends. You think you're the only one but that can't be further from the truth!I'm 18 and never been kissed. My sentiments are the same as yours. I could definitely relate to this!

    • Josie Brownlee
      April 27, 2017 / 6:16 pm

      Thank You so much for this Steph! It's helpful to know that I'm not the only one and others can relate to this kind of thing!

  5. Anonymous
    April 27, 2017 / 1:55 pm

    This is such a lovely post Josie! I myself have only had a couple of relationships at 20 years old, but those were very far apart from each other and during the time that I wasn't in a relationship I'm pretty sure every time I visited my grandparents I would get the "Sooooo, why have you not gotten yourself a boyfriend yet?" As if it's something I need to be able to live, like a job! & I know this is because I just haven't met the right person yet, but I've actually found that I'm a lot happier when I am on my own/concentrating on myself and my own goals, and I'm actually a little jealous of you that you've never had a boyfriend or had sex, you want a relationship to be for the right reasons and I think that's wonderful. It definitely does not make you a freak or un-normal, keep doing you :-)Xo GemmaSunday Somewhere

    • Josie Brownlee
      April 27, 2017 / 6:19 pm

      Thank You so much for your comment Gemma! I know what you mean, people say things that come across like it's required or something! I can definitely find comfort in the fact that I'm happy in myself and I'm actually a little grateful most of the time that it's just me I have to think of and plan for, it just gets to me when I'm already down or lonely I guess.

  6. HellO Me
    April 28, 2017 / 5:01 am

    Nice sharing 🙂 This is one of my favorite posts that you've done. Would like share Edward Gelber, M.D., Board-Certified Psychiatrist in Brooklyn

    • Josie Brownlee
      April 28, 2017 / 10:49 am

      Thank You so much, this means a lot to me. Sure, send me an email and I'd be happy to share it with you!

  7. Frock Me I'm Famous
    April 30, 2017 / 7:18 pm

    Girl first of all; massive props to you for writing and publishing this post – it must have been hard feeling that way. I'm just going to start by saying you are BLOODY BEAUTIFUL lady!!!! – Both inside and out. Don't ever doubt your self worth or feel that you're not loveable because you absolutely ARE! Also, please don't EVER feel that you need to settle for someone if they come along; know in your heart that you deserve to be treated like a princess – and wait for the right man to come along, no matter how long you wait – he will be worth it! <3Hayley

    • Josie Brownlee
      May 1, 2017 / 8:51 am

      I FREAKING LOVE YOU HAYLEY! Literally reading this made me nearly tear up, Thank You so much, it's made my day!

  8. The Sunday Mode
    May 4, 2017 / 4:02 am

    23 and no boyfriend ever over here so of you're a freak or weird than what the hell am I?! HahaWhen I was younger I used to really think I must be a Martian or something because it seemed like everyone could get a boyfriend but I couldn't, but you know I really don't think it's all its cracked up to be. My sister is the complete opposite of me and she has always had a boyfriend but until her current one, the rest were complete and utter morons. Just not good people and those relationships ended badly so that's really nothing to feel jealous about! Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that you're definitely not alone and not the only one who feels that way, I just assumed that when I hit my twenties I would meet someone (why did I think this?) but nope, here I am. I swear, I should make a club or something for us, haha Julia //

    • Josie Brownlee
      May 4, 2017 / 7:16 am

      Haha tbh ever since I posted this, more and more people have said the same thing to me! I reckon it might be a popular club haha! Thank You for your comment Julia, it's actually making me feel so much better about it, now knowing loads of amazing women who are similar! It definitely doesn't make us terrible people, it just makes me questions every now and then you know!? But yeh you're right, it's not all it's cracked up to be – especially in your teens! We're fabulous enough!

  9. Lauren Vince
    May 7, 2017 / 3:29 am

    I absolutely love this post! I've been struggling a lot with some of these same questions! I've had one boyfriend in my life. But we never had sex. And it's been 5 years since we broke up and I haven't had another relationship since and I've been thinking a lot 24 years old and I've never had sex. Is that weird?? But like I've had the opportunity..but I don't want to just do it with someone I don't care about. Bc I feel like I deserve better than that. But another question that's been dragging in my head is…am I the girl that everyone comes to for unconditional love and then once they find someone else I'm just left here alone. I feel like a lot of the friendships I've had in the past have prepared the other person for the "loves of their lives" and then I'm still left here like well…I'm still alone. I don't have a problem being alone. I actually think I like it more than normal. But anyways. I'm just ranting right now haha I'm just glad to know that I'm not alone. Bc a lot of the times I do feel alone…like I'm the only person this is happeneing too! So thanks for sharing this with the world! I know I needed to read it! XOXO-Lo

    • Josie Brownlee
      May 7, 2017 / 9:05 am

      Thank You so much for your comment Lauren! I'm so glad this post helped you, you're definitely not alone in this; I'm quite content with my own company and don't think I'd want to spend as much time with someone else as some of my friends do with their partners! And I feel the same, where I don't actually think I'm ready for sex, because I don't want to do it with just anyone, there's just the worry that I won't find that person or that they wouldn't want to wait. I feel like we're both so young though and the right person is definitely out there for us!!

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