Feeling not so adult…

We’re now into 2018, I’ve just turned 22 and here I am still living with my parents, currently unemployed, watching Bridget Jones midday on a Tuesday.

OK so that bit actually sounds great – for a day or even a month – but I’m definitely feeling that demotivated slump where everyone around me is successfully fulfilling their life and growing up and I’m having one of those days where I’m not really sure why I’m even on this Earth at all.

I’ve just been rejected – again – from a Grad scheme (that unfortunately was my favourite) and even though it was my very first assessment day and I semi-expected the email, it still kind of stung. 

That, combined with the constant bombardment of all my friends (and everyone on social media it seems) are getting jobs/promotions, moving into their first house/place and getting into/progressing in their relationships. Now I know – logically – that things aren’t all that fancy, it’s all exaggerated in my little self-deprecating mind because I’m feeling a little bit low. 

I’m obviously so happy for everyone! Really! And luckily most of the time I can chat about it and keep myself busy to avoid thinking about the failure of a person I feel like at the moment. But unfortunately I’ve realised today that I’m getting into that habit of avoiding all social interaction (friends and family) in order to avoid the dreaded job/life/prospect -related questions.

Now I know I shouldn’t feel as bad (and luckily I do have ONE friend that I can share our lack of luck and motivation with), I was late to the job-hunting party due to my backpacking trip – which I 100% have NO REGRETS doing – and I’m at a slight disadvantage that all the jobs I’m applying for aren’t related to my degree subject really.

And to be honest, I don’t think I’m actually sad about not having a job, I think I’m just at a complete loss in myself. When I went travelling I found a side of myself that I’m so happy I found, and has done wonders for both my mental and physical health and happiness (which I and my family are still on a bit of high with if I’m honest). But now I’m back I’m faced with a new dilemma, in that I actually have to start thinking about the future and whereas the future while travelling was ‘where am I going to sleep tomorrow night’ the future now is ‘what do I want to do with my life’ and I. have. NO. IDEA.

I know I don’t want to work in a laboratory. I know I want to work with people. But apart from a handful of the grad schemes I’ve applied (and have been rejected from most) to I don’t actually know what I see myself or even want to actually do. Now that thought I’m sure is common among a lot of people, but it means I don’t know what to actually do now to try and get it and so means I waste my days sleeping in, watching telly and scrolling endlessly through boring job ads and makes me feel very unproductive and like a complete failure.

I guess it’s just a case of thinking about myself and what I want from my life (started getting one or two ideas) and keeping an open mind about different jobs. I also think that just the idea of a ‘grown up’ job actually scares the shit out of me so whenever I get an interview or an email, I go into denial mode and start thinking about all the reasons why I can’t do it!

Any other recent graduates feel this way? How do you find out what you want to do if you don’t have any sort of passion? Does the pressure from everyone else impact your thoughts about yourself?


  1. Brooklyn Grace
    January 11, 2018 / 2:21 am

    Hello Josie, you are worthy, worthy of all beautiful things that life has in store for you. Never let your circumstances define who you are or who you will become. It might be difficult at first but baby steps will lead you far beyond what you expect. Social media is a depressing place where people put filters on their life so never compare your behind the scenes with everyone's highlight. I've been through a rough path these past years but as I've changed my mindset in being more positive, grateful and focused on my dreams, my perception on myself has shifted tremendously.Everyone is born with a gift, a purpose,so don't doubt yourself <3 just believe in yourself <3 If you want to talk here is my email: graceblogreview@gmail.comand my blog: http://marylovesthat.blogspot.comGod bless you dear

    • Josie Brownlee
      January 11, 2018 / 11:13 am

      Wow, thank you so much for this comment Brooklyn, your words of encouragement have literally made my day! You're absolutely right, I need to start believing in myself more (something I've never been very good at!) I'm so glad you're through your rough patch and that things are going well for you – you've given me the hope that things will work out for me too!

  2. The North Left
    January 12, 2018 / 12:37 pm

    Oh so relatable! I graduated a few years ago, so I'm a little older than you are, but I still feel this way. I think it's just a symptom of being in your 20s, I'm afraid! It comes after a time when you've (probably) been in school, with everything set out in front of you, and then you've had this incredible adventure full of freedom while you've been travelling, and now it probably feels like you have to *do* something. Even the most supportive people can make you feel a bit rubbish without meaning to, by asking you what your plans are, or even what you've been doing with your day! There's no one answer to this problem. All I would say is keep going! You don't have to figure everything out all at once. As for the job thing; maybe try and do something with your time that would make you feel more productive – is there anything you can do that might help your job prospects? Volunteering, maybe? Or even just researching and contacting companies/people working in your chosen field to try and network a bit. They might not have a job for you right now, but you never know!And, if you have no idea what you want to do, there are things you can do to help yourself figure that out. I'm aware that I've written you an absolute essay as a comment (sorry about that!) but seriously feel free to email/DM me if you want to chat because I'm so sympathetic to your situation and I could talk about it all day!The job will 100% come eventually but you have to look after yourself in the meantime to allow you to stay positive. Hope things start to improve for you soon xxThe North Left

    • Josie Brownlee
      January 12, 2018 / 1:41 pm

      Thank You so much for this comment (I love essay ones dw!) – what you've written here makes complete sense and it's made me feel a lot better about it, thank you! It really helps to know I'm not the only one and that other people have felt the same way about these things! And Thank You so much, I probably will drop you a dm and we can chat – I feel like we have a lot in common!

  3. Jemma Poffley
    March 10, 2018 / 4:41 pm

    You’re not the only one who feels like this Josie, I feel exactly the same!! I have no clue what I want to do, I thought after uni I would find a job or at least know what I want to do, but no. I’m stuck big time. You’ll find something though just keep going! Hope you’re well, Jemma x

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