This is definitely a topic I was umming and arring about actually publishing since a lot of family and friends read my blog *cringe* but since this topic has become a huge part of my life, for I suppose a rather different reason and perspective than others, I thought I should share it.
Basically I’m here today to talk about how fucking grateful I am for my period!
As a sufferer of Anorexia for many years, the main concerning symptom is that you lose your period. And as appealing as this sounds, it’s really not very good! I have been suffering since about the time I started adolescence so my periods have therefore never been regular, and for many years, in fact until very recently (hence the post) I was at a weight so low that my body was using all it’s energy and back-up processes to keep my going rather than have a period.
Kind of a big signal saying – ‘Hey, you’re not well enough to take care of yourself let alone some other little being so I’m just going to pause this until you get the picture!’
And so for a while this has been the main reason I have been fighting for recovery. Obviously there were other reasons too, but the possibility of infertility (which ultimately results from lack of periods for a certain length of time) and never being able to have children was the main thing keeping me going through all this.
All throughout my life, there have been changes to routine – going on holiday, switching between jobs, going to uni, going travelling… – and I always said ‘oh but they’re only temporary’ I’ll deal with recovery and weight gain after I get into the new routine or after it’s over and I’m back home. This resulted in many years of irregular/if any periods, weight scares, illnesses, a lot of shit basically, so I decided when I went travelling to make it a priority and I’m attempting to continue this now I’m back.
And until recently I was pretty scared. I got up to the highest weight I’ve been since being diagnosed 8 years ago, emotions were flying high, I was getting worried that this was it. I’d had my chance. It’s over. I can honestly say that it was one time in my life where my heart dropped and I was terrified.
Luckily, I’ve been granted another chance and I can say with complete honesty – I’ve never been happier to get my bloody period! There was a slight party in my house and the relief among me and my family was welcome.
I guess this was a little note to remind people that – yes periods are shit, they come with emotions so crazy you’ll think you’re going a bit mad – but they’re there for good reason and I for one am so thankful for this little bit of mother nature inside me.