So recently, I’ve been feeling a bit unmotivated and kind of down really. I think the end of term is just dragging slightly, and even though I’m incredibly excited to go back and see everyone… especially my kitten, Dusty! I’m still anticipating the mountain of revision (not to mention the 3000 word essay) I’ve still got to do.
I’ve also been a bit worried about my finances recently, and despite handing my CV in everywhere and trying my hardest to be passionate at interviews, no-one seems to want me, and it’s not doing great things to my confidence.
Now really, I know I’m being a bit dramatic and written down it probably sounds like I’m being a right spoilt brat. I promise you I am happy and really thankful and excited about everything I’ve got at the moment, but I found myself thinking all these thoughts and it helps me make sense of them if I jot them down to you lot.
I’ve been feeling a bit like I’m living for the weekend, or living for the holidays or constantly waiting for something or ‘just getting through each day’ and I hate living like that! I want to enjoy everything that I’m doing instead of thinking ‘oh some day I can afford to do this’ or ‘just get through this day of lectures’, cause life is short!
Now in these times you’d think, ‘just quit whatever you’re doing and do something that makes you happy!’ And this sounds so simple and easy, however I have absolutely no clue what makes me happy! (I mean apart from eating cheesecake, watching HIMYM and buying clothes) This therefore makes it very difficult for me to know what to do with myself, which makes me frustrated, which makes me feel tired and end up doing nothing, which then makes me feel like I’m wasting my life away! God I dun’half think too much!
Anybody else feel like this?
Now I know, it’s perfectly normal to be my age and not know what I want to do in life, and that I should stop worrying. But unfortunately that, for me, is not an easy thing to do.
So I thought I’d make a list (I like lists they help me make sense of things) of things I want to do in my life, whether it be experiences, places to visit, jobs to do or people to meet, just a few things I want to do without worrying about how I’m going to do them just yet. I tried to not restrict myself to things I thought were ‘most likely’, because I think thinking within boundaries (is sometimes more realistic) makes me restrict as a person and subconsciously prevents me from even trying things because I think they’re unrealistic. Gotta be more ambitious!!
My (Sort Of) Bucket List;
Graduate from University
Visit and work in Australia (visit the local places and work in a cafe or something!)
Dive the Great Barrier Reef
Get married and have children
Work in another country
Recover from Anorexia
Change/ Have an impact someone’s life
Volunteer abroad! With children again or with animals this time
Visit India and dress in the culture (I think some of their clothes look awesome!)
Write a book
Potentially climb a mountain