Edit: I had other plans for today’s post, but I came across this from last week and thought I’d share it.

So I’m sat here, home from my very last exam for my degree (it went shit, but I’m not bothered, it’s finally over!!) and though I’m a little tipsy and pretty tired (after waking up at 6.30 and 5 glasses of Courtyard Pimm’s) I’m not ecstatic. 

I’m lying in bed, eating cookies and banana bread my housemate baked, and anticipating tonight, and tomorrow. I’m thinking again about the fact that I should could have gone for a run yesterday, when it was nice weather and I had the chance. When I didn’t have other plans/wasn’t hungover. 

I’m thinking about the Pimm’s I drunk today. The bacon and brie panini I had for lunch. The cookies and cake I’m currently eating. The Prosecco and alcohol I will drink tonight. The takeaway I’ll probably have. The endless amount of carbs and sugar I will eat tomorrow, while lying in bed watching Netflix all day.

And what’s on my mind isn’t enjoyment or celebration. But bad calories. Fat. I’m feeling a bit lousy and squishy and unattractive and it’s making me think that I won’t enjoy myself tonight. And that’s annoying, as it’s the one and only time I’m ever going to finish a degree (believe me there’s no chance I’m doing another one!) 

But the good thing, the thing that’s different from how I used to be, is that these thoughts aren’t controlling me. (In fact I’m continuing to eat more cookies)

These thoughts, though they’re there, I can recognise as my ED, not me. It’s not controlling me. I can rationalise, and not panic, like perhaps I used to.

I understand that these habits aren’t ‘healthy’ if I do it all the time, but seriously a couple of days of celebration won’t impact my body that much.

And what if it does? Putting on a few pounds doesn’t make me a bad person. It doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my night out and celebrations. And it doesn’t make me any less beautiful!! 

So if you ever get these feelings, ED or not, just know that you’re f****** gorgeous anyway! You are you, tall/short, big/small, big boobs/small boobs, blue eyes/brown eyes, you are beautiful.

So whether you’re celebrating end of exams like I am, or celebrating anything, or even just celebrating another day done, do something tonight without worrying. Eat the cake and binge Netflix, Have another drink, another slice of pizza, whatever you want. Just enjoy it. 

16 Comments

  1. She Who Travels
    June 12, 2017 / 10:09 am

    Yes to everything you've said here! I've been going through these feelings majorly recently, with a holiday coming up and the pressure to watch what I'm eating/exercise has made me binge more on things but hey ho, you only live once! Thanks for this post, Emily xxwww.shewhotravels.co.uk

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 13, 2017 / 8:16 am

      Thanks Emily, I'm glad it's helped!

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 13, 2017 / 3:32 pm

      Aww thank you! I'm glad you like it – I'm still updating the design as a bit of a rebrand but the design so far is courtesy of pipdig and I love it too!! Haha

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 13, 2017 / 3:33 pm

      Right back at ya Finja! 😉

  2. Steph Spying
    June 13, 2017 / 5:16 pm

    Yes to eating cake, drinking more, partying and doing what the heck we wanna do!Preach it, girl!Also, congrats on finishing your exams! WhoooooStephwww.socialspying.com

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 14, 2017 / 1:44 pm

      Thanks Steph! Been having a great time and much much alcohol! Haha!

  3. Miss Nev
    June 14, 2017 / 5:23 am

    Really great post lovely! Thanks for sharing xNev | Miss Nev

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 14, 2017 / 1:45 pm

      Thanks Nev, I'm glad you appreciate it!

  4. Cherie Koh
    June 14, 2017 / 11:19 am

    Yes to all the little things in life, if we don't do it now when will we ever get to eh? I used to be so anxious/caught up by so many things so I've been learning to let go and relax a little! Never too late to start! Cherie ✿ sinonym

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 14, 2017 / 1:45 pm

      Exactly Cherie! It's definitely a learning curve and we've just got to go with life and try and not let the little things get us down!

  5. Diana Maria
    June 15, 2017 / 1:18 am

    This was such an honest and heartfelt read Josie! I used to feel so guilty every time I'd eat anything remotely unhealthy and was never able to enjoy it. I'm glad I've gone past that, I've learned to love my body for all of its flaws and it's such a wonderful feeling. I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself and treating yourself too! xxSending light & love your way,My Lovelier Days

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 16, 2017 / 9:24 am

      Thanks so much Diana, that's really really nice to hear! I'm so glad you love your body now and I'm hoping to get to that point some day!

  6. by Lauren Jane
    June 15, 2017 / 11:57 am

    Firstly, great post and well done for being so honest. Secondly, congratulations on finishing your degree. I'm glad you're not allowing these thoughts to control you, that you're recognising it and doing something about it. I have panic disorder and it's so easy to let these things control you. <3Lauren xx bylaurenjane

    • Josie Brownlee
      June 16, 2017 / 9:25 am

      Thanks so much Lauren! It's such a difficult habit to get out of and will probably always be there, I think we just need to learn to recognise them and then try (being the operative word, it's easier said than done I know!) to not let them control our thoughts!

Carry on the conversation, I'd love to know your thoughts


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